Absent Stars at Midnight
by Wings of Stars
Summary: Ok- I suck at summary's. . . but it's a Shinji/Asuka fic. *braces herself for flames* just read it, it's sweet.


A/N: This is coming out of nowhere, but I really felt like writing. This is my first shot at an Evangelion fic, so I'd appreciate a little bit of kindness and gentleness. . . remember that as you review. I love reviews, by the way. I don't own any of the character, although I wish I did, cuz then maybe I'd be rich. But, I'm not. Oh and this is an Asuka/Shinji fic. 

* * * * * * 

The way her head was buried in her arms told the world that something was wrong, but no one could see her, as far as she knew. The not being able to sleep had always been a curse, but it had never been worse. Never worse than now, when every conscious minute. . . moment. . . second was spent full of thoughts of someone she had never wanted. 

He stood, not knowing what to do but stay silent. He didn't want to make himself known to her right then, because his heart was torn in two. As much as he loved Asuka, Shinji was still as scared as ever to show anyone. Besides, Asuka didn't need him, right? 

Or did she. . . 

Sitting, crying by the window, sat Asuka. The dark night enveloped her and gave her the security that she never had to let anyone in. But she couldn't force someone out who she'd already let in. It was too late, she'd made a mistake that she couldn't go back on. So Asuka found herself somewhere she didn't want to be: 

In love. 

The lights in the city below glittered in reply to two ever-present heartbeats that sounded in the room as loudly as if it had been the thumping of a hammers against a steel door, thrumming and pounding in a way that said 'let me in, let me in. . . I need you'. But they couldn't hear each other. 

Shinji's breath seemed to be caught somewhere in between his mouth and his stomach as Asuka whispered his name and pulled her knees closer to her. She ran her fingers down the window, and he tried to camouflage in with the wall and the shadows that streaked half the room. 

Her red hair, pulled back for the first time he'd ever seen it, halfheartedly swung and beat itself against her back. He wanted to reach out and loose it. He wanted to run his fingers through it, and hold her. Or at least touch her. 

Every moment that slipped by them was like rain, smoothing and deteriorating the walls that they had built around their hearts. And although the sky outside was clear, neither of them had the strength they needed to see the stars. 

Silence kept pressing itself upon Shinji, until he was afraid that breathing would let her know every secret about him. But he didn't know if he could hold out this way much longer, watching her cry, listening to the sound of her shaky breathing, without being able to say a word. 

She let out a sudden sob, and bent her head. The dull light of outside was enough to illuminate the glistening tears on her cheeks. 

"I didn't want you, I didn't want you. . ." she whispered. She drew in a deep, shaky breath and rocked back and forth in a slow way, tightening her grip on herself like there was no one else there to comfort her. Shinji decided that he couldn't just hide himself forever. 

So he walked quietly, and put some water on the stove and measured cocoa into two cups. Asuka looked up at him from where she was in a silent kind of admiration, but quickly hid her face, ashamed to let him see her cry like this. He walked over to her and sat down, almost behind her. In a very un-Shinji way, he bravely put his arms around her and whispered into her ear. "But I wanted you. . ." 

She looked at him, pushing his arms away, her eyes shining. Then she half-way lunged into him, crying and sobbing. And all he could do for then was hold her, until her sobbing subsided and she just lay with her head resting on his chest. 

"Shinji. . . things happen, you know?" Asuka said weakly. 

"What kind of things?" 

"Like good things. . ." 

"Like miracles?" 

"Yes, like miracles. Do you think we could have a miracle?" Asuka asked softly, looking up into his eyes. Her hair was now down and Shinji's hand, which had been stroking it softly, touched her cheek. He smiled, and she couldn't help smiling, either. 

The night made things hard to see for everyone else, but they could see everything that was important in the world then. Just then, that steel door opened, and they let each other in, and were let in. 

Shinji kissed her forehead and then her lips and they fell into an understanding peace and love that left them lying in each other's arms for hours, as the water on the stove continued to boil. 

* * * * * 

--Kazzma/ Wings of Stars 


End file.
